Feb 06, 2014

A little self-destruction is probably a good thing every once in a while. Dismantling certain parts of your life, as if taking apart a Lego castle, allows you to survey the pieces and reassemble them into something new and most likely something better. It’s been interesting taking apart the many pieces of our lives as we prepare for this trip and I’m beginning to think it’s something that should be done at least once or twice in every lifetime.

I’m not sure when it begins but at some point in our lives we start collecting pieces. In our early 20’s we start to assemble them all the while collecting more pieces along the way. For most, I would guess that we collect lots of pieces by chance in our early years and only a few by choice. When you later find yourself in your 30’s, you realize that there are some pieces you like and others that hold up the castle but seem out of place. Left in their places, you reach your 40’s and later your 50’s where more pieces have been added on top of the others you collected earlier in life. By that point, the ratio of chance pieces to choice pieces is probably a little more balanced and your placement of those pieces, a little more deliberate. The foundation of your castle is probably intact and, looking at it from afar, it is riddled with chance pieces that have shaped your life in rather profound ways.

Now that we have reached the final stages of our own deconstruction and are seeing the final pieces come down, there are two overwhelming feelings that wash over me when I stop to think about it, fear and exhilaration. I must admit, I’m a little anxious about removing the final pieces such as leaving my job and all the familiar habits and routines that make up our daily lives. Pulling these pieces down and scattering them around you intentionally seems counterintuitive and at times, a little wasteful.

Usually, when you find yourself surrounded by those pieces, it’s because of some sort of collapse like the death of someone dear to you, the failure of a marriage, or some other life altering experience. It’s common to work hastefully when repairing such a collapse and you may not have the ability to give each move careful consideration. There in lies the reason for my excitement.

I’m delighted by the prospect of spending the next year or more doing something I love and contemplating the way I will put my pieces back together. My mind races with the possibilities and the things I could build. I think about the various ways I could rebuild my own castle frequently and I want to build them all. I’m sure that I’ll miss the old castle a little but the experiences I’ve had and the things I’ve learned about myself will no doubt serve me well in my rebuilding efforts. I wonder where I would be if I had those insights in my 20’s. I suspect we would all be leading very different lives if we suddenly found ourselves at 20 years old armed with the knowledge we have today.

The fear I feel is a way of keeping my eagerness in check. A little fear is usually a good thing; it keeps us from becoming complacent and forces us to be aware of our surroundings and our heading. Fear also forces you to take stock of your pieces and consider their importance. The fear I’m experiencing makes me feel alive and seems to heighten my senses. I love it.

Without knowing how your castle is built I’m certain you would benefit from a little destruction. You may love every piece and its perfect placement but being content is, in and of itself, a great reason to make changes. The fear it will invoke is something we all need in our lives. Not knowing what comes next and adding a little variety are the spices of our lives and the fear that follows closely behind should send a pleasant tingle down your spine.  

Don’t be afraid of a little self destruction from time to time, embrace it. Look for the opportunity to rebuild your own castle before it’s too late. When done deliberately with forethought and caution induced by the right amount of fear, it will most likely have a positive result on your overall life. I am counting down the days to my own life deconstruction and I’m happy it’s a choice I get to make instead of a chance that get’s to make the choices for me. 

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