How To Be An Asshole Roommate

Nov 18, 2014


Spending night after night in hostels, you get to meet a lot of different people with plenty of personality. Some people prefer to sleep in a peaceful environment, free of any sort of excitement or character. But, if you’re looking to shake things up a bit, here’s a simple list outlining a step-by-step process of being “that person,” the asshole roommate. 

  1. While others are sleeping in your dorm room during “normal” sleeping hours*, talk at any stewie.jpgvolume other than a faint whisper. Those people didn’t actually want to be asleep and they definitely wanted to hear every detail of your awesome life, this includes conversations with your fellow asshole roommates or phone calls to your loving BFF.
  2. Barge into the room really late at night and turn the lights on…while everyone else is sleeping. Equally as good, turn them on really early in the morning – rise and shine!!
  3. Better yet, barge in, turn the lights on and make an excessive amount of noise.
  4. And don’t forget to let the door slam or close loudly behind you. Every time you enter and exit the room.
  5. Also, shuffle every plastic bag you own to make sure they are all still there.
  6. Do not shower. The stinkier, the better.
  7. Spray yourself with aerosol deodorant or body spray (maybe to cover up your lack of showering?) prior to leaving the room, preferably with the windows and door closed. Suffocate those bitches! Heck, they probably think it smells just as good as you think it does! You’re welcome!
  8. Just put your pack anywhere. Specifically, in the middle of the floor with your belongings strewn about.
  9. Get up super early to catch the bus, but be sure to wait until then to pack your bags. No need to be courteous and do it the night before – you’ve got fun shit to do! And it will probably still be dark out at that hour, so again be sure to turn the lights on so that you can see what you’re doing!
  10. Don’t worry about closing the door behind you on the way out. I’m sure that whoever closed the door in the first place was just confused. And if the air conditioning is on, definitely leave it open. You’re obviously doing the rest of the hostel a favor. Again, you’re welcome!

So there you have it, 10 simple ways to be the asshole roommate. Every hostel needs one, why shouldn’t it be you? 

Sadly, these are all real life examples that, between the four of us, we just can’t quite figure out how or why anyone could possibly think that they are a good idea! We’ve had the pleasure of rooming with a particular traveler on more than one occasion, whom we’ve dubbed “Stinky Pete,” who somehow managed to check off 6 out of the 10 items on this list, in one fell swoop! Let’s just say that if there was a travel school that everyone had to go to before leaving, many of our fellow travelers would surely fail. This, of course, is not to say that the Roamers are perfect (yes we are, but we’re also modest), we make our fair share of mistakes just like everyone else. But there is an honest mistake, and there is flat out ignorance and a lack of consideration for any other human being around. Please don’t be that person!

*For this article, I'm going to call "normal sleeping hours" 10pm - 8-9am.

Roam on!





Written by Jen Hays
Jen is a marketer with a passion for the digital world and an insatiable desire to travel and explore all that the physical world has to offer; marrying the two to share her experiences with and inspire all who join her along the way.

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